Clinical Simulation Exam Passed!

I passed my Clinical Simulation portion of the RRT about a week and a half ago. I failed 2 of the cases, and I'm sorry I'm not allowed to say anything real specific because of the agreement I signed, but one was because I misinterpreted an EKG and then chose the wrong medication and the other dealt with cold exposure. I don't remember talking about that in school. Oh well. I still passed. I immediately came home and applied for the new jobs I was qualified for and sent in the paperwork for my Michigan respiratory license. I got a call from a hospital 3 days after I applied and was offered an interview! The interview is tomorrow morning and I've been going over my practice questions. I'm borderline terrified about how it's going to turn out, but I've been trying not to stress it too much. I'll update again when I have some more news, so until then, wish me luck ^.^~!

RRT Written Exam Passed

I finally scraped together enough money to take part of the RRT exam--the written part--and passed! I'm not allowed to give examples or anything, but I can say that I thought I did horrible. I felt like there were just tons of questions about my weak areas. I went back and looked at probably 20 or 25 questions and ended up changing 8-10 answers, but it worked out. I used all but the last 3 minutes of the time I was given. Usually if I walk out of an exam feeling like I failed, I end up doing well. It's really scary when I think I did well, because I usually don't end up doing as well as I thought. I was the only one there this morning in the testing center, so I was able to really concentrate without all the extra background noise. I was thinking of taking the Clinical Simulation portion next week if my next paycheck looks like it'll be big enough. I was able to work extra hours for a change at the store. So yeah...I'm going to end up spending nearly $400 dollars on both parts of the RRT exam, and hopefully I pass the ClinSim on my first try. I just barely managed to pass the one we had to take as an exit exam from our program, and I was one of just two in the class that passed it.

I'm super motivated to pass it, though. The hospital in the town I grew up in has 2 job openings for RRTs and I want one of them, even if it's just contingent. I'll do weekend midnight shifts without a complaint. It's a better job than the store, I'll gain some experience, and I'm hoping it'll be a job I look forward to going to. Best of all, that hospital is making some huge improvements lately and it'd be great to be a part of that. Moreover, it's the perfect size for me. I know everyone says to start somewhere big and practice the skills, but when I look back at my clinical rotations, I liked the smaller hospitals a lot more. I just feel more comfortable in them and I feel like I did better than I did in a large one.

In other news, I fully intend to apply for the JET Program for next year, which would let me teach English in Japan. I'll also be applying for a couple of Eikawa (English language schools) called AEON and ECC. I figure it's free to apply and I'm not obligated to go if I get an offer. I'd be thrilled if they found me to be good enough to do the job, but at the same time if I end up loving the job I have here or am involved in a serious relationship I wouldn't mind staying in the States. It's worth a shot to see what happens. I don't know what my life will be like next spring/summer so, as the saying goes, "Nothing ventured, nothing gained."

I have been studying Japanese like crazy lately, with the exception of the last week and a half (when I was studying for my RRT). I feel like I've gained back about half of the knowledge I had, and even some new stuff I missed out on learning due to testing into an intermediate level. I didn't realize I didn't know it because it's stuff you don't use a lot, but still, I feel like I have a more complete background now. I'm at what would probably be considered an early intermediate level at the moment, and as soon as I'm done with my ClinSim exam I plan to start getting back into it.

Time is Escaping

Well, it’s been 3 months since graduation and I still don’t have a respiratory job. I’ve applied some places, but I can’t seem to get an interview. The jobs are still posted, so I’m debating whether to call and ask again. I’ve even applied at a place I didn’t really enjoy very much or necessarily agree with the way things are run, but at this point I’ll take anything. I feel like I’m starting to lose some of my knowledge and skills after not practicing them for so long. I’m finding myself double guessing myself on some of the easy stuff. I need to start reviewing some of my old notes, especially my neonatal resuscitation information, mechanical ventilation, and hemodynamics. Those are the areas I feel are slipping the fastest.

I’m really starting to feel like a failure, and I keep trying to tell myself otherwise, but if nothing happens for me soon I don’t know how much longer it’ll keep helping. I have certain goals set for myself and I’m afraid I won’t meet them. I wanted to be done at my horrible part time job by the official start of autumn and working full time in respiratory therapy and I wanted to be moved into my own apartment by the end of the year. I’m getting dangerously close to the first deadline. I’m ready to fly, but I don’t have anywhere to spread my wings. I want my life to start taking on more meaning that just existing on my days off and barely making it through my job. Things need to change soon or I don’t know what I’m going to do.

The only positive thing that’s come out of only working part time right now is that I’ve been focusing on my Japanese. I’m almost halfway through my text book. 90% of it is review for me, so that’s probably why I’m getting through it so quickly. I need to start looking for someone to practice it with, that way if I do end up getting to teach in Japan, I’ll have a really nice head start.

CRT Conquered and Updates

I took the CRT exam last month and passed it. I can now officially call myself a respiratory therapist. It feels so great. I know it’s been a long time since I last updated, but I’ve been really confused about some things, and terrified as well. I’m waiting for my respiratory license to come in so I can start applying for some jobs. Apparently I can’t even be considered for them even if my license status is pending. I’m hoping it’s just like that because I’ve never held one before, because I can’t afford to pay for a license in every state I apply for a job. It’d be silly to do that if there’s no guarantee I would even be using it. So for now, I’m still working at the store. It’s my goal to be out of there by the end of summer, and I’m hoping I can start living on my own before November.

I still need to schedule my Registry exam. That one is two parts: a written part and a simulation part. I can take them separately from each other, so I’ve been trying to study for the written one for now. I have a better chance of passing that than the simulation, which I’m told only about 60% of those who take it pass on their first try. I passed the practice exam I had to take before I was allowed to graduate, but only by 3 points. I was only one of 3 people in my class that even passed it at all, so at least my chances are reasonable. Nevertheless, I’m going over all kinds of formulas, normal lab values, pathophysiology, and mechanical ventilator guidelines for different conditions.

I’ve been kind of worried lately about my skill level with various procedures and just my knowledge in general. I feel like I’m forgetting everything I learned. It doesn’t help that I haven’t had a real ICU experience in a long time – much longer than it should have been thanks to being sent to 2 LTACs back to back my last semester. I’m terrified to start working because I think I’ll screw up or something. I don’t mind making mistakes normally, but not when someone’s life in on the line. I just don't feel like I'll be good enough at the job. I’m still not even entirely sure I made the right choice of careers, but it’s too late now. I’m going to give it my best shot and try to make it work. I think once I adjust, it’ll be okay.

I’ve been looking into other forms of employment, too. I know of several programs that would allow me to teach in Japan, something I’ve wanted to do for the last 7 or 8 years. I think I’ll put in some applications and see where it takes me. The 3 programs/companies I’ve found out about so far require a Bachelor’s degree in any field of study and no teaching experience is required. It seems that most contracts will last a year, and some programs allow you to renew them. I wouldn’t mind taking a year at minimum to try this out, especially since there’s not a way to work in respiratory therapy in Japan. I just can’t give up this dream. I gave up the opportunity to go to Japan once and I’ve regretted it ever sense. I can’t let that happen again. I know it’ll be hard living in a foreign country, but I want to see what I can do. That’s how you really find out what you’re made of. I love the culture and the language of Japan and this would be the best way to enrich my understanding and knowledge. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime chance and I have to try.

CRT Stress

Well, I finally did it. I finally registered for my CRT exam. We were allowed to start a week or so ago, but I honestly didn’t feel ready. Ever since I graduated, my brain has mostly refused to let me do anything that relates even a little bit to school. I know I said I missed it, but it’s kind of a mixed bag right now. I’m trying to be good about staying studied up on everything and forcing myself to look things over in small pieces several times a day. Anything over a half hour right now and I lose interest. I hate that it’s gotten like that and I know it’s a mental block I have going on. Maybe in the end, I keep wanting to put off the exam because I’m afraid of failing it. I’ve never had such a high-stakes exam before and if I can’t pass this, I can’t work. I know I shouldn’t worry about it, but that’s what I’m good at.

I’ve been dealing with a lot of the stress by working out as hard as I possibly can. I really love my gym time, and I can spend so much more time there than I could before. I’m more motivated than ever to do everything I can to get into shape. I can thank my new doctor for that. He’s the only one who has ever actually helped me try to tackle the problem. Going to the gym every day has also been a nice way to get out of the house (which is probably causing me the most stress right now). What I should do is make little “cheat sheets” of respiratory information and formulas and study them while I’m running. I can prop them up on the machine and it’ll give me something to do when I’m working out alone. Other people bring magazines and books and the gym staff doesn’t seem to mind, so I might as well bring stuff to study.

Speaking of study, I finally got around to ordering a kanji dictionary to aid in my Japanese studies. Japanese writing can be a little tricky when it comes to kanji. You have to learn two syllabaries (think alphabet) with 46 basic characters representing sounds in the language. Some of the 46 can be combined with each other, and some have sound changes when you add certain markings to them, so the real number is much higher for each one. Katakana is the one used for loan words from another country or for foreigner's names (and there are a surprisingly large number), while hiragana is what you can use to write everyday Japanese in if you don't know kanji. Kanji are the more advanced characters you can use to write an entire word instead of using just the hiragana (the sounds). I believe there are around 2000 kanji that are used commonly in everyday life, so it takes some time to learn them. You have to learn the proper way to write the kanji, the different pronunciations, and what the kanji itself means. It sounds like a huge undertaking, but once you get going, it's not so bad and it speeds up your writing. Right now I only know about 100 of them, but it has been a couple of years since I've had classes. The kanji dictionary will help me to learn more of them. I can use it to look up unfamiliar kanji while I'm reading and it will tell me how to pronounce them and the meaning. I think it will be a wonderful tool and I should have ordered one a long time ago.

I’ll be updating again next week after I’ve taken my CRT exam. By then I should finally be able to call myself a respiratory therapist!

Changes: Full Speed Ahead

Graduation was about a week and a half ago. Everything went well, but I honestly don’t have an opinion on it one way or the other. To me, it just didn’t feel like the place where things closed up for me school-wise. I felt like our class pinning ceremony was more of an ending than the graduation ceremony. It seemed more fitting. I got to see everyone I’ve grown to care about in the last two years in one room. The speeches were from people we actually knew (except the one) and were a lot more relevant than the ones at graduation (which I will discuss later). We got to socialize with everyone afterward without a huge crowd. In general, I feel like that’s the day I graduated.

The actual graduation ceremony was just too large. Even though they split the school up into 2 ceremonies (a morning and an afternoon ceremony), there were just too many people. My class did all end up sitting together, though. It was a lot better than sitting next to the strangers that made up the rest of the graduating class. The ceremony seemed to drag on forever. We listened to a bunch of speeches from complete strangers that were all about the same. You know, the usual jargon about going out into the world and trying to change everything, facing life’s challenges head on, etc, etc. One of the speeches was a biography of the guy who was speaking next! And then that guy talked a lot about himself and his law career. I mean, come on. I’m tired of listening to graduation speeches where the speaker focuses more on him/herself than the graduates. After a while, I just zoned out. I did my best, but they went on forever. I think the best part of the graduation ceremony was when our program director and professor got up from his seat to meet our class in line and individually congratulate us and wish us luck. That’s the part I’m going to remember forever, not a speech by some anonymous person.

The one thing I find strange about graduating is when everyone keeps asking me how it feels to be a college graduate. This is my second college degree (I have an associate’s degree as well), so it doesn’t feel any different to me at all; I just have a higher degree now. Until I start working out in the field and am 100% independent, it’s not going to feel different at all. And hopefully a job is just around the corner. I am now allowed to take my board exams since my graduation has been verified. I think I’ll probably wait a couple weeks so I can brush up on everything. I don’t have the money to retake an exam, so I need to get it right the first time. I wish I could have afforded the official review course offered last week, but that wasn’t going to happen, not with the way my work hours have been cut over the last couple of months. What worries me the most about getting a job is my skills, not my knowledge. I haven’t had a real ICU experience in months and I’m going to be out of practice when I start working. Where ever I end up, I hope I have a nice long orientation so I can get used to things again. And then there’s still the worry of whether I picked the right career. I won’t know about that until I actually get to work alone for a while. I’m hoping I made a good choice, even though it’s not my dream job (which was somewhat unrealistic in today’s world).

As much as I miss school sometimes (yes, I am strange, but I love learning), I am enjoying not having to do any mandatory studying. I have already started reviewing my Japanese from a couple of years ago, and it’s coming back to me quite nicely. I can’t wait to start adding new material soon. I’ve also filled my time with reading, and am almost done with my second book already. I want to start learning how to play the piano. The best thing all this time has given me is the opportunity to start spending hours working out each day. My lungs have finally recovered from the pneumonia and it’s a lot easier to finish a workout now. I can run about 2 miles without stopping, whereas two weeks ago I was still struggling with walking around the block. I’m looking forward to being able to devote time to getting in shape.

Well, I suppose this is enough rambling for now. I’ll let everyone know how my exam(s) go, as well as the job hunt. Take care!

Graduation Looming on the Horizon

Today I had the last final exam of my undergraduate college career. My backpack is all cleaned out, my binders of notes are on a shelf, and everything school related is put away (except for my cap and gown). I can’t even begin to describe what a relief it is not to have the pressure of grades in my life any more. It’s like a huge weight has been lifted and it’s one less stress in my life.

Graduating, though, brings along a whole new stress to replace the one of passing exams. After Sunday, everything changes. I feel like I will finally be one step closer to feeling like a real adult. I’m excited, scared, and just confused in general when it comes to my future. I don’t have a job lined up yet even though it seems like almost everyone from my class does and I worry that by the time I get my CRT credentials so that I can start working, there won’t be any positions left in the area. I also worry that I won’t even pass the credentialing exams. I am confident that I can pass the CRT exam without any problems, but I’m worried about the RRT. The written part will probably be fine, but it’s the clinical simulation (ClinSim) portion that worries me. I just barely passed the practice one we took as a class a couple of weeks ago, and I’m told that most people actually fail the official one the first time they take it. I guess the best I can do is to have faith that things will work out. I know I’ve had the privilege of studying under the best minds in the field and in being a graduate of one of the best programs in the country (I’m told that when I tell them where I graduated from, they’ll expect a lot more out of me than someone who didn’t attend this program). I must trust in the knowledge I’ve been given and the experiences I’ve had.

I was listening to the radio tonight and heard this song from Five For Fighting called “Story of Your Life” and thought the lyrics were pretty fitting for my current situation, so I thought I’d share them:

“In the story your life
you're moving down the page
As the words begin to change
The story of your life
You live it everyday
You can run, you run
But you won't get away

I don't know what's coming up
Where will you go now
it's the story of your life”

And on more of a personal note now: Despite how nice it is to be free from classes, I have been kind of bored. I spent the last 4 years of my life going to class, studying, and going to work for the most part. I had little scraps of time over long weekends or school breaks to enjoy my hobbies and activities, but after being home most of the last 3 days with nothing productive to do, I’m ready to be busy again. I’m ready to dive back into the things that make me…me. Even this blog is helping with that (I’ve always loved to write). I made a list of what I want to spend my time doing and things I want to accomplish. My number one thing is to get back to studying Japanese. For being a class I took on a whim in high school (a friend asked me to sign up with her), I sure have developed a passion for it over the years. I taught it to myself once, and I can do it again now that I have the time to commit to it. I guess it doesn’t surprise me that now that I am finally free from having to study, I choose to do so anyway. Learning has always been something I valued. When I was little, it was for the grades and the praise that went along with them, but as I’ve grown older I realized that learning new things makes me feel like a better person somehow. I feel this is a trait that can only help me throughout my career.