Changes: Full Speed Ahead

Graduation was about a week and a half ago. Everything went well, but I honestly don’t have an opinion on it one way or the other. To me, it just didn’t feel like the place where things closed up for me school-wise. I felt like our class pinning ceremony was more of an ending than the graduation ceremony. It seemed more fitting. I got to see everyone I’ve grown to care about in the last two years in one room. The speeches were from people we actually knew (except the one) and were a lot more relevant than the ones at graduation (which I will discuss later). We got to socialize with everyone afterward without a huge crowd. In general, I feel like that’s the day I graduated.

The actual graduation ceremony was just too large. Even though they split the school up into 2 ceremonies (a morning and an afternoon ceremony), there were just too many people. My class did all end up sitting together, though. It was a lot better than sitting next to the strangers that made up the rest of the graduating class. The ceremony seemed to drag on forever. We listened to a bunch of speeches from complete strangers that were all about the same. You know, the usual jargon about going out into the world and trying to change everything, facing life’s challenges head on, etc, etc. One of the speeches was a biography of the guy who was speaking next! And then that guy talked a lot about himself and his law career. I mean, come on. I’m tired of listening to graduation speeches where the speaker focuses more on him/herself than the graduates. After a while, I just zoned out. I did my best, but they went on forever. I think the best part of the graduation ceremony was when our program director and professor got up from his seat to meet our class in line and individually congratulate us and wish us luck. That’s the part I’m going to remember forever, not a speech by some anonymous person.

The one thing I find strange about graduating is when everyone keeps asking me how it feels to be a college graduate. This is my second college degree (I have an associate’s degree as well), so it doesn’t feel any different to me at all; I just have a higher degree now. Until I start working out in the field and am 100% independent, it’s not going to feel different at all. And hopefully a job is just around the corner. I am now allowed to take my board exams since my graduation has been verified. I think I’ll probably wait a couple weeks so I can brush up on everything. I don’t have the money to retake an exam, so I need to get it right the first time. I wish I could have afforded the official review course offered last week, but that wasn’t going to happen, not with the way my work hours have been cut over the last couple of months. What worries me the most about getting a job is my skills, not my knowledge. I haven’t had a real ICU experience in months and I’m going to be out of practice when I start working. Where ever I end up, I hope I have a nice long orientation so I can get used to things again. And then there’s still the worry of whether I picked the right career. I won’t know about that until I actually get to work alone for a while. I’m hoping I made a good choice, even though it’s not my dream job (which was somewhat unrealistic in today’s world).

As much as I miss school sometimes (yes, I am strange, but I love learning), I am enjoying not having to do any mandatory studying. I have already started reviewing my Japanese from a couple of years ago, and it’s coming back to me quite nicely. I can’t wait to start adding new material soon. I’ve also filled my time with reading, and am almost done with my second book already. I want to start learning how to play the piano. The best thing all this time has given me is the opportunity to start spending hours working out each day. My lungs have finally recovered from the pneumonia and it’s a lot easier to finish a workout now. I can run about 2 miles without stopping, whereas two weeks ago I was still struggling with walking around the block. I’m looking forward to being able to devote time to getting in shape.

Well, I suppose this is enough rambling for now. I’ll let everyone know how my exam(s) go, as well as the job hunt. Take care!

Graduation Looming on the Horizon

Today I had the last final exam of my undergraduate college career. My backpack is all cleaned out, my binders of notes are on a shelf, and everything school related is put away (except for my cap and gown). I can’t even begin to describe what a relief it is not to have the pressure of grades in my life any more. It’s like a huge weight has been lifted and it’s one less stress in my life.

Graduating, though, brings along a whole new stress to replace the one of passing exams. After Sunday, everything changes. I feel like I will finally be one step closer to feeling like a real adult. I’m excited, scared, and just confused in general when it comes to my future. I don’t have a job lined up yet even though it seems like almost everyone from my class does and I worry that by the time I get my CRT credentials so that I can start working, there won’t be any positions left in the area. I also worry that I won’t even pass the credentialing exams. I am confident that I can pass the CRT exam without any problems, but I’m worried about the RRT. The written part will probably be fine, but it’s the clinical simulation (ClinSim) portion that worries me. I just barely passed the practice one we took as a class a couple of weeks ago, and I’m told that most people actually fail the official one the first time they take it. I guess the best I can do is to have faith that things will work out. I know I’ve had the privilege of studying under the best minds in the field and in being a graduate of one of the best programs in the country (I’m told that when I tell them where I graduated from, they’ll expect a lot more out of me than someone who didn’t attend this program). I must trust in the knowledge I’ve been given and the experiences I’ve had.

I was listening to the radio tonight and heard this song from Five For Fighting called “Story of Your Life” and thought the lyrics were pretty fitting for my current situation, so I thought I’d share them:

“In the story your life
you're moving down the page
As the words begin to change
The story of your life
You live it everyday
You can run, you run
But you won't get away

I don't know what's coming up
Where will you go now
it's the story of your life”

And on more of a personal note now: Despite how nice it is to be free from classes, I have been kind of bored. I spent the last 4 years of my life going to class, studying, and going to work for the most part. I had little scraps of time over long weekends or school breaks to enjoy my hobbies and activities, but after being home most of the last 3 days with nothing productive to do, I’m ready to be busy again. I’m ready to dive back into the things that make me…me. Even this blog is helping with that (I’ve always loved to write). I made a list of what I want to spend my time doing and things I want to accomplish. My number one thing is to get back to studying Japanese. For being a class I took on a whim in high school (a friend asked me to sign up with her), I sure have developed a passion for it over the years. I taught it to myself once, and I can do it again now that I have the time to commit to it. I guess it doesn’t surprise me that now that I am finally free from having to study, I choose to do so anyway. Learning has always been something I valued. When I was little, it was for the grades and the praise that went along with them, but as I’ve grown older I realized that learning new things makes me feel like a better person somehow. I feel this is a trait that can only help me throughout my career.