RRT Written Exam Passed

I finally scraped together enough money to take part of the RRT exam--the written part--and passed! I'm not allowed to give examples or anything, but I can say that I thought I did horrible. I felt like there were just tons of questions about my weak areas. I went back and looked at probably 20 or 25 questions and ended up changing 8-10 answers, but it worked out. I used all but the last 3 minutes of the time I was given. Usually if I walk out of an exam feeling like I failed, I end up doing well. It's really scary when I think I did well, because I usually don't end up doing as well as I thought. I was the only one there this morning in the testing center, so I was able to really concentrate without all the extra background noise. I was thinking of taking the Clinical Simulation portion next week if my next paycheck looks like it'll be big enough. I was able to work extra hours for a change at the store. So yeah...I'm going to end up spending nearly $400 dollars on both parts of the RRT exam, and hopefully I pass the ClinSim on my first try. I just barely managed to pass the one we had to take as an exit exam from our program, and I was one of just two in the class that passed it.

I'm super motivated to pass it, though. The hospital in the town I grew up in has 2 job openings for RRTs and I want one of them, even if it's just contingent. I'll do weekend midnight shifts without a complaint. It's a better job than the store, I'll gain some experience, and I'm hoping it'll be a job I look forward to going to. Best of all, that hospital is making some huge improvements lately and it'd be great to be a part of that. Moreover, it's the perfect size for me. I know everyone says to start somewhere big and practice the skills, but when I look back at my clinical rotations, I liked the smaller hospitals a lot more. I just feel more comfortable in them and I feel like I did better than I did in a large one.

In other news, I fully intend to apply for the JET Program for next year, which would let me teach English in Japan. I'll also be applying for a couple of Eikawa (English language schools) called AEON and ECC. I figure it's free to apply and I'm not obligated to go if I get an offer. I'd be thrilled if they found me to be good enough to do the job, but at the same time if I end up loving the job I have here or am involved in a serious relationship I wouldn't mind staying in the States. It's worth a shot to see what happens. I don't know what my life will be like next spring/summer so, as the saying goes, "Nothing ventured, nothing gained."

I have been studying Japanese like crazy lately, with the exception of the last week and a half (when I was studying for my RRT). I feel like I've gained back about half of the knowledge I had, and even some new stuff I missed out on learning due to testing into an intermediate level. I didn't realize I didn't know it because it's stuff you don't use a lot, but still, I feel like I have a more complete background now. I'm at what would probably be considered an early intermediate level at the moment, and as soon as I'm done with my ClinSim exam I plan to start getting back into it.

Time is Escaping

Well, it’s been 3 months since graduation and I still don’t have a respiratory job. I’ve applied some places, but I can’t seem to get an interview. The jobs are still posted, so I’m debating whether to call and ask again. I’ve even applied at a place I didn’t really enjoy very much or necessarily agree with the way things are run, but at this point I’ll take anything. I feel like I’m starting to lose some of my knowledge and skills after not practicing them for so long. I’m finding myself double guessing myself on some of the easy stuff. I need to start reviewing some of my old notes, especially my neonatal resuscitation information, mechanical ventilation, and hemodynamics. Those are the areas I feel are slipping the fastest.

I’m really starting to feel like a failure, and I keep trying to tell myself otherwise, but if nothing happens for me soon I don’t know how much longer it’ll keep helping. I have certain goals set for myself and I’m afraid I won’t meet them. I wanted to be done at my horrible part time job by the official start of autumn and working full time in respiratory therapy and I wanted to be moved into my own apartment by the end of the year. I’m getting dangerously close to the first deadline. I’m ready to fly, but I don’t have anywhere to spread my wings. I want my life to start taking on more meaning that just existing on my days off and barely making it through my job. Things need to change soon or I don’t know what I’m going to do.

The only positive thing that’s come out of only working part time right now is that I’ve been focusing on my Japanese. I’m almost halfway through my text book. 90% of it is review for me, so that’s probably why I’m getting through it so quickly. I need to start looking for someone to practice it with, that way if I do end up getting to teach in Japan, I’ll have a really nice head start.

CRT Stress

Well, I finally did it. I finally registered for my CRT exam. We were allowed to start a week or so ago, but I honestly didn’t feel ready. Ever since I graduated, my brain has mostly refused to let me do anything that relates even a little bit to school. I know I said I missed it, but it’s kind of a mixed bag right now. I’m trying to be good about staying studied up on everything and forcing myself to look things over in small pieces several times a day. Anything over a half hour right now and I lose interest. I hate that it’s gotten like that and I know it’s a mental block I have going on. Maybe in the end, I keep wanting to put off the exam because I’m afraid of failing it. I’ve never had such a high-stakes exam before and if I can’t pass this, I can’t work. I know I shouldn’t worry about it, but that’s what I’m good at.

I’ve been dealing with a lot of the stress by working out as hard as I possibly can. I really love my gym time, and I can spend so much more time there than I could before. I’m more motivated than ever to do everything I can to get into shape. I can thank my new doctor for that. He’s the only one who has ever actually helped me try to tackle the problem. Going to the gym every day has also been a nice way to get out of the house (which is probably causing me the most stress right now). What I should do is make little “cheat sheets” of respiratory information and formulas and study them while I’m running. I can prop them up on the machine and it’ll give me something to do when I’m working out alone. Other people bring magazines and books and the gym staff doesn’t seem to mind, so I might as well bring stuff to study.

Speaking of study, I finally got around to ordering a kanji dictionary to aid in my Japanese studies. Japanese writing can be a little tricky when it comes to kanji. You have to learn two syllabaries (think alphabet) with 46 basic characters representing sounds in the language. Some of the 46 can be combined with each other, and some have sound changes when you add certain markings to them, so the real number is much higher for each one. Katakana is the one used for loan words from another country or for foreigner's names (and there are a surprisingly large number), while hiragana is what you can use to write everyday Japanese in if you don't know kanji. Kanji are the more advanced characters you can use to write an entire word instead of using just the hiragana (the sounds). I believe there are around 2000 kanji that are used commonly in everyday life, so it takes some time to learn them. You have to learn the proper way to write the kanji, the different pronunciations, and what the kanji itself means. It sounds like a huge undertaking, but once you get going, it's not so bad and it speeds up your writing. Right now I only know about 100 of them, but it has been a couple of years since I've had classes. The kanji dictionary will help me to learn more of them. I can use it to look up unfamiliar kanji while I'm reading and it will tell me how to pronounce them and the meaning. I think it will be a wonderful tool and I should have ordered one a long time ago.

I’ll be updating again next week after I’ve taken my CRT exam. By then I should finally be able to call myself a respiratory therapist!