Well, it’s been 3 months since graduation and I still don’t have a respiratory job. I’ve applied some places, but I can’t seem to get an interview. The jobs are still posted, so I’m debating whether to call and ask again. I’ve even applied at a place I didn’t really enjoy very much or necessarily agree with the way things are run, but at this point I’ll take anything. I feel like I’m starting to lose some of my knowledge and skills after not practicing them for so long. I’m finding myself double guessing myself on some of the easy stuff. I need to start reviewing some of my old notes, especially my neonatal resuscitation information, mechanical ventilation, and hemodynamics. Those are the areas I feel are slipping the fastest.
I’m really starting to feel like a failure, and I keep trying to tell myself otherwise, but if nothing happens for me soon I don’t know how much longer it’ll keep helping. I have certain goals set for myself and I’m afraid I won’t meet them. I wanted to be done at my horrible part time job by the official start of autumn and working full time in respiratory therapy and I wanted to be moved into my own apartment by the end of the year. I’m getting dangerously close to the first deadline. I’m ready to fly, but I don’t have anywhere to spread my wings. I want my life to start taking on more meaning that just existing on my days off and barely making it through my job. Things need to change soon or I don’t know what I’m going to do.
The only positive thing that’s come out of only working part time right now is that I’ve been focusing on my Japanese. I’m almost halfway through my text book. 90% of it is review for me, so that’s probably why I’m getting through it so quickly. I need to start looking for someone to practice it with, that way if I do end up getting to teach in Japan, I’ll have a really nice head start.
