CRT Conquered and Updates

I took the CRT exam last month and passed it. I can now officially call myself a respiratory therapist. It feels so great. I know it’s been a long time since I last updated, but I’ve been really confused about some things, and terrified as well. I’m waiting for my respiratory license to come in so I can start applying for some jobs. Apparently I can’t even be considered for them even if my license status is pending. I’m hoping it’s just like that because I’ve never held one before, because I can’t afford to pay for a license in every state I apply for a job. It’d be silly to do that if there’s no guarantee I would even be using it. So for now, I’m still working at the store. It’s my goal to be out of there by the end of summer, and I’m hoping I can start living on my own before November.

I still need to schedule my Registry exam. That one is two parts: a written part and a simulation part. I can take them separately from each other, so I’ve been trying to study for the written one for now. I have a better chance of passing that than the simulation, which I’m told only about 60% of those who take it pass on their first try. I passed the practice exam I had to take before I was allowed to graduate, but only by 3 points. I was only one of 3 people in my class that even passed it at all, so at least my chances are reasonable. Nevertheless, I’m going over all kinds of formulas, normal lab values, pathophysiology, and mechanical ventilator guidelines for different conditions.

I’ve been kind of worried lately about my skill level with various procedures and just my knowledge in general. I feel like I’m forgetting everything I learned. It doesn’t help that I haven’t had a real ICU experience in a long time – much longer than it should have been thanks to being sent to 2 LTACs back to back my last semester. I’m terrified to start working because I think I’ll screw up or something. I don’t mind making mistakes normally, but not when someone’s life in on the line. I just don't feel like I'll be good enough at the job. I’m still not even entirely sure I made the right choice of careers, but it’s too late now. I’m going to give it my best shot and try to make it work. I think once I adjust, it’ll be okay.

I’ve been looking into other forms of employment, too. I know of several programs that would allow me to teach in Japan, something I’ve wanted to do for the last 7 or 8 years. I think I’ll put in some applications and see where it takes me. The 3 programs/companies I’ve found out about so far require a Bachelor’s degree in any field of study and no teaching experience is required. It seems that most contracts will last a year, and some programs allow you to renew them. I wouldn’t mind taking a year at minimum to try this out, especially since there’s not a way to work in respiratory therapy in Japan. I just can’t give up this dream. I gave up the opportunity to go to Japan once and I’ve regretted it ever sense. I can’t let that happen again. I know it’ll be hard living in a foreign country, but I want to see what I can do. That’s how you really find out what you’re made of. I love the culture and the language of Japan and this would be the best way to enrich my understanding and knowledge. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime chance and I have to try.

CRT Stress

Well, I finally did it. I finally registered for my CRT exam. We were allowed to start a week or so ago, but I honestly didn’t feel ready. Ever since I graduated, my brain has mostly refused to let me do anything that relates even a little bit to school. I know I said I missed it, but it’s kind of a mixed bag right now. I’m trying to be good about staying studied up on everything and forcing myself to look things over in small pieces several times a day. Anything over a half hour right now and I lose interest. I hate that it’s gotten like that and I know it’s a mental block I have going on. Maybe in the end, I keep wanting to put off the exam because I’m afraid of failing it. I’ve never had such a high-stakes exam before and if I can’t pass this, I can’t work. I know I shouldn’t worry about it, but that’s what I’m good at.

I’ve been dealing with a lot of the stress by working out as hard as I possibly can. I really love my gym time, and I can spend so much more time there than I could before. I’m more motivated than ever to do everything I can to get into shape. I can thank my new doctor for that. He’s the only one who has ever actually helped me try to tackle the problem. Going to the gym every day has also been a nice way to get out of the house (which is probably causing me the most stress right now). What I should do is make little “cheat sheets” of respiratory information and formulas and study them while I’m running. I can prop them up on the machine and it’ll give me something to do when I’m working out alone. Other people bring magazines and books and the gym staff doesn’t seem to mind, so I might as well bring stuff to study.

Speaking of study, I finally got around to ordering a kanji dictionary to aid in my Japanese studies. Japanese writing can be a little tricky when it comes to kanji. You have to learn two syllabaries (think alphabet) with 46 basic characters representing sounds in the language. Some of the 46 can be combined with each other, and some have sound changes when you add certain markings to them, so the real number is much higher for each one. Katakana is the one used for loan words from another country or for foreigner's names (and there are a surprisingly large number), while hiragana is what you can use to write everyday Japanese in if you don't know kanji. Kanji are the more advanced characters you can use to write an entire word instead of using just the hiragana (the sounds). I believe there are around 2000 kanji that are used commonly in everyday life, so it takes some time to learn them. You have to learn the proper way to write the kanji, the different pronunciations, and what the kanji itself means. It sounds like a huge undertaking, but once you get going, it's not so bad and it speeds up your writing. Right now I only know about 100 of them, but it has been a couple of years since I've had classes. The kanji dictionary will help me to learn more of them. I can use it to look up unfamiliar kanji while I'm reading and it will tell me how to pronounce them and the meaning. I think it will be a wonderful tool and I should have ordered one a long time ago.

I’ll be updating again next week after I’ve taken my CRT exam. By then I should finally be able to call myself a respiratory therapist!